You guys ain't got nothin' on us!

I don't know about you, but I get pretty sick of hearing men talk about how bad it hurts when they get hit in the (you know). I am especially irritated by the drop to the ground and writhing about when it happens as well. Besides the lovely sensation of giving birth, we girls have other areas that make me want to tell those wimpy men: you ain't got nothin' on us!

The other day I was nursing my daughter. Poor thing had been sick with a cold and was snarling at me when....she bit me with her nasty little gummers! Oh my gosh did that hurt. So I yelled, "that hurt" and warned her if she did it again, I might not be feeding her anymore. Incidentally, I've had this conversation a few times with her. My husband was lying in bed and said to me in an admonishing tone, "she's sick, she can't help it." To which I replied, "how would you like it if she bit one of your testicles?" He looked stunned and said, "why do you have to go there?" I was thinking 'ditto'.

Mom Jeans

I laughed so hard when I saw this picture. I think we've all owned a pair or a least known somebody who has. I've included the video from the actual SNL parody. Its super funny and short. If the video doesn't work, click the picture and it should take you directly there. Enjoy!

Pregnancy Sucks!

I'm reading this really funny pregnancy book called, Pregnancy Sucks. The author is very witty and I enjoy reading her. Here is an excerpt on morning sickness I thought some of you might enjoy:

"Morning sickness is like waking up every day for three months with a terrible flu. It usually begins in the fifth or sixth week of pregnancy and lingers until about the fourteenth. It doesn't creep up on you but comes on with a vengeance. It drains you of your spirit and takes away you ability to care about anything. The fridge is broken? Who cares, you're nauseated. The dog's fur just fell off? Not your problem.

No one knows the cause of morning sickness. There are several different theories. But even if no one can agree on the cause, they all agree on one thing. There is no cure. Believe me, if there were, I would have found it. There should be a clinic in every city across the nation devoted to find a cure. There should be a yearly telethon with a poster child of a green bloated woman clutching hard on to a toilet bowl.

During the worst of my morning sickness, I skipped my prenatal altogether, and took my everyday vitamin. Yes, I told my doctor first. I know you're thinking I'm a horrible mother depriving my helpless embryo of its nourishment, but how much riboflavin does a ten-cell organism need?"

Yiddish

After using some interesting language in front of a hardened marine, I commented, "I swear like a truck driver." He replied, "you don't swear like a truck driver, you cuss like a pirate." Since joining the Church, I have toned down my foul language but tend to use it frequently in the privacy of my own company or around my husband. As I try to be sensitive to those of a more gentle disposition and less wordly language, I've found myself coming up with alternatives to my previous foul language.

Some of my favorites are "schmuck" and "putz." Both are Yiddish terms and are actually pretty foul but nobody seems to know what they truly mean. In my opinion, flippin' or it's derivations is just as bad as the original term. However, because I don't want to offend anyone, I choose the deriviation. Due to the lack of understanding of the Yiddish language, if you can call it that, I can still get away with a few "bad" words here and there. I don't think I can count Yiddish as one of my 52 to blessings but it is certainly up there as a means to wean me from my pirate-like nature.

Martha Stewart

I was looking for new songs for my ringback tones and came across these Martha Stewart bloopers. I laughed so hard I was in tears. I hope you like it too. Btw, the weird looking Fabio wannabe on the horse is Conan O'Brien.