Monday, October 19, 2009

Yes, I'm still here!

Bah! I haven't had the baby and my midwife won't induce me. I'm getting pretty dang uncomfortable but most of all I'm so tired of people asking me, "you're still here?" I want to say, "no, I'm only a figment of your imagination" or "no, I had the baby and stuffed a pillow under my shirt just to trick you." I think the "you're still here" is worse than, "you're so big." That one is just plain rude but I think I'm more frustrated by the fact I'm still pregnant. The worst offenders are the people at church. I've been ducking out after sacrament so I don't get trapped by them in the halls afterward. Bad, but I'm keeping pregnancy rage at bay so it'll do.

I decided to use a nurse midwife for this baby because I have a bad reaction to the epidural. I didn't realize she was going to make me stay pregnant for 2 extra weeks! I'm seriously debating breaking my own water. Not really, but it sounds threatening, doesn't it? I'm hoping and praying she will deliver me a week after my due date. Oh, I'm not really sure when that is because they've changed it 3 times. Originally it was the 26th but ultrasound at 7 weeks said 24th then, ultrasound at 13 weeks said the 19th. The midwife was using the 24th but when I asked to be induced last week (I know, I know, a teense bit early :P) she said I wasn't due until the 26th!!! I think she used the longest date just to shut me up.

Anyway, I'm going to beg and plead with her next week and will hope for a Halloween baby, at the latest! Pray that everything will be alright for the baby and I will be able to hold on to the last vestiges of my sanity.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The end of rotten things

This pregnancy has been so rough! I was so nauseous until about 6 mos. I can't believe it went on that long - bleh. Right around the time I started to feel better, my dad died. It was horrible. He was only 66 years old and my best friend. I am the executrix of his estate and it was really hard going through all of his stuff. I miss him so much and sometimes call his phone number even though I know he won't answer.

I am so grateful for all the good people in the Church who helped me move his things out of his house. He lived in Alpine and we had to move everything in the middle of July when it was sweltering. Nobody complained - they just came and helped. I have NO idea how I would have done any of that had it just been me and Victor.

Shortly after losing my dad, I had all sorts of problems with my ex-husband while my two older boys were visiting him. He really did a brain washing number on them and I was concerned he wouldn't send them back after his whopping one month of time with them. (He only takes them one month a year - great dad eh?) I actually had to pay for lawyers and send him a pretty nasty letter about it right when I was trying to take care of my dad's affairs.

About a month ago, after the end of all this stress, I was about ready to beg the Dr. to induce me so I could have a stiff drink or something (not really but I thought about it). I was so uncomfortable - heartburn every night, gas, constipation, couldn't breath, felt tired and THEN...the baby dropped! This was the turning point. Right at about 36 weeks, she dropped and I could sit without being in pain, feeling like my ribs were up in my chest. I could move around better, eat without feeling full after two bites, and I had more energy. THEN, the weather changed! It was BLAZING hot out here. It was relentless 100 degree heat. It was awful. The weather changed to the 70's and it was just beautiful! This last week it has been cloudy with a little bit of sun and is total Fall weather. I love it!

It's interesting because usually the last month is the worst for most people but it has been the absolute greatest for me. I'm still uncomfortable but I feel so much better and all those horrible things are behind me (I hope). I don't know how I would have gotten through everything without being able to kneel with my husband and ask for the Lord's blessing and guidance. While all of it was pretty awful, it was bearable. Now, I am so grateful for the many blessings in my life - for this new little sweet baby who will be here shortly and for the lessons I've learned about not worrying about the little things. Who has time to worry about those things when you feel rotten or have terrible tragedy in your life?

I know this was kind of a rant but I feel like this whole rotten period of my life has come to an end. I've learned a lot but more than anything I am so grateful for my family, how wonderful my children and husband are, and for my Church family, who are always there when you need them most. I am so looking forward to my life keeping on in the direction its going - until I hit the next speed bump lol.